When you look at me
A joke, a parody....
When you look at me
Is this all that it is you can see?
Do I not have eyes that shed a tear,
Do I not have anything "normal" that a teen can feel?
Am I really this different am I really this queer.
That you have to berate me to worthlessness,
So you can laugh at my heterogeneity.
As you laugh my tears make me hide.
All of this anger and rage inside
Sometimes I think that the world is better without me
Sometimes I just wish to disappear entirely.
The pains that I feel I have no one to tell but family
Even sometimes they don't know the depths of darkness this will go,
Sometimes I wonder as my mother cries
Sometimes just sometimes I just think that it would be better
Without me sometimes.
Autism is a disease it is an ailment
Sometimes it can test your patience
When I rage or when I hide
It is forever this anger building up inside.
I am not perfect no one can be,
But I am Autistic and Creative and Genuine and in more ways free
Of the boundaries and confinement of normalcy.
I can imagine I can be happy I can be loyal and happy
If only you could just open up to me
You will never find anyone more loyal and trustworthy than me
Don't berate me out of you own fear,
Let me help you understand why I am here.
I look just like you I breathe just like you,
I see what it is that you are doing to be
Without comprehension of why
Have I hurt you, have I made you bleed?
Have I done something to make you want to be so mean?
I just want a friend, that I can have for a lifetime
Someone I can talk to someone I can hang out with all the time.
Is that too much to ask for Am I really such a freak.
No! I am not I am stronger than your petty games
I will surpass all of this childish shame
You are the fool whom passed me by
I will never shed another tear cause of you
It is not worth my emotion
It is not worth me to hide....
I will stand in front of you and laugh as you fall
I will stand firm against your ridicule and all.
One day you will look back at me
And wish that you could have succeeded like me.